Last words with my mother

A memoir by: Nikki Keeter

I remember the last day I spoke with my mom. She called me and asked to speak with my dad. Confused, I said “sure” and handed him the phone. He soon handed it back to me, so I put it to my ear, assuming my mom was still there.

“Hey mom”

“Hey honey, you are going to stay with your dad an extra night tonight.”

“Okay, that’s fine, why?”

“I ran to St. Louis to pick up Tia [the new puppy] and I am running late!”

I replied, “Oh okay! Well I’ll see you tomorrow, I love you!”

I could hear her voice quiver, “Nikki I want you to know I love you no matter what happens and…” she paused as I could hear her start to cry, “And I am so proud of you.”

I just laughed and said, “I love you to mom, bye”

I pressed ‘end’ on the touch screen and put the phone down, leaned back to where I could lay and watch T.V, not thinking anything about it.

Later on, my friend called and invited me to spend the night. I ran to ask my dad if that was okay with him, so he responded telling me to call my mom and ask her if she thought it was okay as well. I called and received no answer. Approximately 30 minutes later, I called again. No answer. So I just texted her. My dad said it was okay if I spent the night and he would call my mom himself later on.

I went to my friend’s house, a little worried that my mom had not called me back. I repeatedly looked at my phone, making sure she had not called or texted me back. That whole night I had no respond. Before bed, I quickly texted her saying:

“Hey mom, I haven’t heard back from you, but please remember the movie Sunshine Cleaning. Xoxo”

The movie was a movie that we had watched together and my mom always said it showed her how much a daughter needs their mother.

I went to bed and in the morning I was woken up by my friend’s mom, telling me that my dad was here to get me. Not aware of the time, I said goodbye to my friend and walked down the stairs. I looked over to see her parents who had an upset look on their face, which changed when they saw me look over, they smiled, but you could still see something was upset when you looked in their eyes. At that moment my stomach turned.

I got down the stairs, dragging my bags along with me, I gave my step dad a hug, and as I looked out the window I saw he drove my moms car, starting to get excited that she came with him, but when the door opened, I saw my dad and brother. Not knowing what was going on, I turned to my step dad and asked if everything was okay. He looked at me and his lips started to shake. Trying not to cry, he said

“Your mom passed away last night”

I stopped where I was, and dropped the bags from my shoulder down to my mid fore arm as I brought my hands up to my eyes and started to cry. I could feel the hands of both dads and my brother gather around me, and I heard they started to cry as well. After a few minutes of standing in the front walkway of my friend’s house, I asked to go home.

All I wanted was to lay in my bed, and be with my two best friends so I could just hold their hand and cry on their shoulder. That’s really all I needed, I didn’t want to talk to anyone else. Soon the gossip of my mother’s death got around and next thing I know I was getting calls and messages all the time, which was the last thing I wanted.

Most people didn’t understand why I wasn’t crying when they saw me, I overheard people saying maybe it was just shock, or I wasn’t that upset in the first place, but truly I just didn’t want people to see me cry. When people saw me cry, they started to cry to, and I didn’t have the time to baby someone else. I just wanted to handle things my own way.

Close ones are always lost everyday, sometimes you don’t know why, and other times you do. But all I know is that they leave earth for a reason, they are guardian angels and I know my mom is one and will always be looking over me, smiling, so I all I need to do now is smile back.